Don’t believe a word of it… What is a tandem? When you forget to put Factor 50 on the soles of your feet. What is a periwinkle? That’s private. What’s the difference between a pitcher and a ewer? Ewers don’t play baseball. Who was Penelope Pitstop? Token eye candy from Formula 1 TV coverage in…
Not so much fibs as truths that dare not speak their name…(I have a pathological hatred of business meetings, if you hadn’t guessed already). What is a board room? A place where you are guaranteed to be bored. Who usually has the chair? A person – almost certainly male – who has somehow got himself…
Nahhh….. Biblioklept Someone who plagiarises the Old Testament Acnestis A pimply youth. Wrest pin A badge sported by fans of WWE. Agelast A grumpy old man. Peristeronic When only one of the speakers of your stereo system is working. Limerence Displaying a deep respect for citrus fruit. Sonder Pointing out the location of something in…
Swallowed a dictionary or what? Defenestration An unforeseen consequence of the imposition of the Window Tax in 1696. Lollygag An instruction not to eat with one’s mouth open. Flummox When new evidence throws a murder investigation into complete chaos. Cattywampus What happens at college stays at college. Bungle US Secret Service code name for POTUS.…
Working Titles… Bless This House The original working title of ‘Father Ted’ The Fresh Prince Of Bel-Air A failed attempt to keep up with the Kardashians Diff’rent Strokes A young man’s guide to puberty. Porridge How to get your oats. Only Fools And Horses Official race programme of Royal Ascot. Happy Days Nostalgia isn’t what…
They said what?…. “I have a head for business and a body for sin” Mae West “Wax on, wax off” An Edam cheese producer. “I’ll have what she’s having” A gullible follower of social ‘influencers’ “Please sir, I want some more” Mr. Creosote “You want the truth? You can’t handle the truth!” Witness for the…
Yeah, right… What is suduku? Doing mental arithmetic in the bath. What is a vagabond? A financial security not worth the paper its printed on. What is an anagram? Magrana. What is cribbage? The act of copying someone else’s homework. What is protocol? A new low. What is subterfuge? Playing classical music on an underground…
Vraiment?…… Why do we have Easter Eggs? Because of a plot for world domination involving John Cadbury, Joseph Rowntree and Milton S Hershey. What makes a Hot Cross Bun? Five minutes in the oven at Gas Mark 4. Why do we have a bunny at Easter? As a tasty alternative to the more traditional roast…
Bottom of the pops….. ‘I want to know what love is’ Millwall FC supporters club ‘Money, money, money’ The Old Ladies of Threadneedle Street ‘Tea for two’ Half of Led Zeppelin ‘There’s a kind of hush’ Dewey Decimal & The Stacks ‘Take the money and run’ Ronnie Biggs & The Robbers ‘Time after time’ Stephen…
Say what now? What is a canopy? A device for gaining access to tinned goods. What is a cookie? Fattening. What is a pup cup? A small brassiere. What is a typhoon? A hurricane with fried rice. Why are nails sharp at one end? Be glad it’s only one end: if it was both, your…
the only deadhead in the hameau 