No way… What is a tapestry? Not the same as an embroidery (looking at you, Bayeux) What is a travesty? An undergarment especially popular with members of the LGBTQ+ community What is a conservatory? Why on earth would you want to conserve a Tory? What is a monastery? An internment camp for constant complainers. What…
Written 10 years ago, in the week that Leonard Cohen died and Trump got himself elected, this was originally a contribution to Jim’s ‘Song Lyric Sunday’ thread. YNWA Tough week alright, and who could blame Helen for not feeling able to come up with a specific theme for this Sunday? Much as I am a…
From 2014, confessions of a below-average chef…. The guzzling gourmet The secret’s in the timing: cooking is just like comedy really. Well, it certainly is when I try it. When it comes to eating, I like to think I have fairly broad and reasonably adventurous tastes (although there are some gastronomic lines I will not cross).…
“Not necessarily stoned, but beautiful” Whenever the time comes around to select an artiste for a new month here on Song Lyric Sunday, my go-to source is the very comprehensive ihopeidiebeforeigetold.com (and no, I am not being paid for this endorsement). As usual, I started to scroll though the myriad names, sorted in date order.…
…and things that go bump in the night. Why does garlic repel vampires? Too spicy for them. What do you need to kill a werewolf? An irrational belief in the existence of werewolves. What is the purpose of a Jack-o-lantern? Part of the lighting set-up for the shooting of the ‘Thriller’ video. What exactly is…
From 2014, my take on the pseudo ‘science’ of astrology… A load of old bull My light spends most of its time under a firmly nailed-down bushel. This strikes me as perfectly rational: there is little to be gained and much to be lost from wanton self-aggrandisement – mostly in terms of respect, and particularly self-respect.…
Yee-haw indeed: Jim’s sending us way out west for Song Lyric Sunday this week. Deadhead that I am, my thoughts turned immediately to the Grateful Dead and in particular what I always call ‘Bobby’s cowboy bit’: a first set sequence of two or three songs that hark back to the wild west. One of the…
Why, I never heard of such a thing….. What is a pup cup? A forlorn effort to house train a small canine. What is a T cup? Only available from specialist lingerie stores. What does ATM stand for? Just now, all that matters. What is a BLT? A perfectly agreeable bacon and tomato sandwich, marred…
From 2015, (yet) another rant about the importance of talking and writing proper.. Colonic Irritation Oh WordPress, you shouldn’t have got me started. A recent Daily Prompt dealt with the subject of punctuation. In particular, it asked ‘do you overuse exclamation marks? Do you avoid semicolons like the plague? What type of punctuation could you never…
“There’s a price for being free” This week’s Song Lyric Sunday has a clear nautical theme, but that’s no excuse just to roll out Rod Stewart’s ‘Sailing’ and be done with it. No apologies for featuring the Grateful Dead again, and this is another collaboration between John Barlow and Bob Weir. When played live, this…
Oh no it isn’t… ‘For whom the bell tolls’ Esmerelda ‘Knock Three Times’ Mad Ron & The Bailiffs Lyin’ Eyes Nigel Farage ‘Pink Cadillac’ Barbie ‘If You Leave Me Now’ The Goo Goo Dolls ‘Fool If You Think It’s Over’ The Undertones ‘I Close My Eyes And Count To Ten’ Albert Einstein ‘Money, Money, Money’…
From 2014, an attempt to emulate the…..er, style of noted ‘Private Eye’ columnist Mr. Comrade Dave Spart. The Alternative Voice The latest of ‘365 Days of Writing Prompts’ invites us to “write a post in the style of (or simply inspired by) a favourite author”. However, rather than lay ourselves open to charges of plagiarism (and,…
I have an abiding memory from – it must have been about 1990 or 1991 – when our daughter was having a weekend sleepover with a couple of her school friends. I came into the kitchen and there they all were, sitting around the breakfast table, planning their day and occasionally sweeping their hair back,…
Food for thought….. What is frutti di mare? Letting a horse eat an apple out of your hand. What is a rum truffle? That’s a strange one. What is a spicy wedge? Hot money. What is cock-a-leekie? The incontinence of an aging rooster. What is baked Alaska? A major consequence of global warming. What is…
From 2013, a rant about the plague of style over substance. Designers’ Trouble Has any designer of a designer hotel ever actually bothered to stay in the designer hotel they designed? The reason I ask is that Madame and I have just spent a few nights in a designer hotel in Bordeaux (it actually called…
