Most people with even a passing acquaintance with France will know the French word for ‘hello’: ‘bonjour’ (literally ‘good day’).

However, maybe not so many will be aware of how crucial an element of social intercourse that simple word really is. Fail to preface any and every interlocution with a friendly ‘bonjour’ and you will be immediately marked down as ignorant, downright rude or – worst of all – Parisian (which is just another way of saying both).

This applies universally: walk into a busy shop and fail to utter a general bonjour to all present and meaningful glances and mutters will be exchanged as you’re marked down as,at best, a bit uppity.. Walk up to the counter and just come straight out and ask for what you want, without saying the magic word, and the chances are you’ll either be completely ignored or met with a very pointed, loud ‘BONJOUR’ from the rightly offended shopkeeper, who will probably be staring fixedly at a point just above your head. Either way, chances are that you’ll also end up being overcharged.

Even passing a stranger in the street, unless they look like a psychopath, should be greeted with a ‘bonjour monsieur’ (or madame, as appropriate). If you encounter a couple, you can probably get away with a ‘M,sieu, dame’, which will be reciprocated, but let’s not get too complicated.

Of course if they do look like a psychopath it’s probably better to cross over to the other side of the road before the situation arises.

Given the universality of bonjour, though, wouldn’t it be a bit daft to have to say it again, even if you’ve already offered that greeting to the same person earlier on the same day?

Well, yes it would be, which is why you don’t. Instead, a second or subsequent encounter should be marked by saying not ‘bonjour’ but ‘rebonjour’ – basically, ‘hello again’.

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Anyway, the point, such as it is, of this brief insight into the arcana of what constitutes civilised behaviour in France is for me to say ‘hello again’ to those who may have been eagerly awaiting a new update from the fair commune of Faire-Le-Dodo (87).

Okay, you haven’t been. After all, it’s been over five and a half years since I last reported, on the great Nutella wars of January 2018.

What can I tell you? That I’ve been busy? I haven’t been busy, just idle. That nothing much has happened? Patently untrue. Things move on, even in Faire-Le-Dodo (87).

Let me bring you up to date next time.