Not so much fibs as truths that dare not speak their name…(I have a pathological hatred of business meetings, if you hadn’t guessed already). What is a board room? A place where you are guaranteed to be bored. Who usually has the chair? A person – almost certainly male – who has somehow got himself…
From 2013, why you should never talk to me about the ‘romance’ of travel… Go forth and worry Whoever first said that ‘travelling is better than arriving’ was probably being dragged to Tyburn to meet a masked man with a disembowelling knife and a mean streak. Or on the final approach to Heathrow in the…
Nahhh….. Biblioklept Someone who plagiarises the Old Testament Acnestis A pimply youth. Wrest pin A badge sported by fans of WWE. Agelast A grumpy old man. Peristeronic When only one of the speakers of your stereo system is working. Limerence Displaying a deep respect for citrus fruit. Sonder Pointing out the location of something in…
Swallowed a dictionary or what? Defenestration An unforeseen consequence of the imposition of the Window Tax in 1696. Lollygag An instruction not to eat with one’s mouth open. Flummox When new evidence throws a murder investigation into complete chaos. Cattywampus What happens at college stays at college. Bungle US Secret Service code name for POTUS.…
From 2015, a paean to the humble chili… Hot Stuff Some people swear that “It’s impossible to eat badly in France”. Well it isn’t. It’s certainly possible to eat extremely well in France – often in the unlikeliest and unpromising places, which is part of the country’s great charm. But restaurant quality is as variable here as…
Working Titles… Bless This House The original working title of ‘Father Ted’ The Fresh Prince Of Bel-Air A failed attempt to keep up with the Kardashians Diff’rent Strokes A young man’s guide to puberty. Porridge How to get your oats. Only Fools And Horses Official race programme of Royal Ascot. Happy Days Nostalgia isn’t what…
One of my earliest posts, from May 2013. Never forget where you were dragged up. Youse can take the lad owra Liverpool… So anyroad, I wuz skivin’ around disavvy, as per, lookin’ at dis WordPress business, an’ I seen dee ‘ad this thing called a ‘Weekly Writing Challenge’. Sounded a bit poncey, if yer ask…
They said what?…. “I have a head for business and a body for sin” Mae West “Wax on, wax off” An Edam cheese producer. “I’ll have what she’s having” A gullible follower of social ‘influencers’ “Please sir, I want some more” Mr. Creosote “You want the truth? You can’t handle the truth!” Witness for the…
From 2017, tales of odd encounters in public toilets… An (in) convenience truth As one possessed of what is disparagingly known as a ‘gill bladder’ – which is to say that my powers of retention are somewhat below average – I have extensive direct experience of public conveniences all over the world, and during my…
Yeah, right… What is suduku? Doing mental arithmetic in the bath. What is a vagabond? A financial security not worth the paper its printed on. What is an anagram? Magrana. What is cribbage? The act of copying someone else’s homework. What is protocol? A new low. What is subterfuge? Playing classical music on an underground…
the only deadhead in the hameau 