Marital Duties

A recent WordPress daily prompt enquired: “What are the things you do within 30 minutes of waking up to ensure your day gets off on the right foot?”

In my case there are two essential tasks that must be performed. Of the first – and I do mean the first – nothing more needs to be said than the alternative would be a bad case of bedwetting. However, I do not believe that I am alone in this and so I shall say no more about it.

As regards the second…Well, how to put this?

Look, here’s the thing. My wife has certain needs. Physical needs. Needs that must be regularly satisfied if life is to go on as normal, in a spirit of warmth and companionship. Needs that, as her husband, it is my duty, and mine alone, to fulfill.


Why, what did you think I was talking about?

Now, I bow to no-one in my uxorious affection for, and admiration of, my lovely wife and her countless good qualities. But she would be the first to admit that she is not a morning person. Whereas I – not from choice, but largely because of ingrained habits dictated by the requirements of my former job – can, metaphorically speaking, hit the ground running however ungodly the waking hour.

Madame, though, prefers a gentler introduction to the rigours of the day. Even if there aren’t any.

So when proper wakefulness comes, I know what I have to do. Unprompted, I betake myself downstairs and make a pot of Earl Grey tea. After the appropriate time for brewing, the contents are decanted into a china mug which is placed discreetly and without superfluous comment at Madame’s side of the marital bed.

This act is repeated after the first mug has been consumed, a state of affairs I am made aware of by means of the empty vessel being proffered to me. Without superfluous comment.

And so, proud task completed and marital duties performed, begins another joyous day of wedded bliss.

I am always glad to be of service.

…and there'd better be another one in the pot

…and there’d better be another one in the pot


One thought on “Marital Duties

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.