Bah, humbug. Why was January chosen to be the first month of the year? It put its hand up first. Why does the Chinese New Year not start until February? Jet lag. What’s the point of eating black-eyed peas on New Year’s Day? What’s the point of eating black-eyed peas any day of the year?…
From December 2014, a grumpy old man rant about a common song lyric trope… Asked and answered “Ask a simple question and you’ll get a simple answer” I was always told when I was a child. Sound advice too, I’ve always thought. The posing of a question is one of the most frequently used of all…
Homophones, homographs or homonyms? Or none of the above? What is a palava? More trouble than its worth. What is a pavlova? Food sacred to antipodeans. What is meant by purge? Something that gives everyone a good feeling – except the purgee. What is meant by purse? According to Iago, stolen trash. What is a…
Pull the other one…. What does Hg represent on the Periodic Table? Heavy Goods. Which actress said ‘Fasten your seat belts, it’s going to be a bumpy night’? Jessica Tandy; she didn’t trust Morgan Freeman’s driving. What is the coloured part of your eye called? Iris Murdoch. What is the currency of Laos? Not worth…
Vraiment?… What is a running stitch? That pain in your side when you foolishly embark on a Couch To 5K. What is the collywobbles? A deservedly obscure Irish folk group. What is a tea caddy? A box of bags. What is a stick of words? An unfortunate stammer. What is a flash drive? A golf…
Oh aye?… Imbroglio How an Italian monk introduces himself. Ish A headless marine creature. Insouciant Oh, who cares? Inanition Residency of a country with a large population of Pediculus humanus capitis. Infamy They’ve all got it… Impugn Recognition that one is not the most handsome of individuals. Impecunious Boasting about one’s personal finances. Inveigle To…
The wrong voices: who ‘really’ sang these songs… I Am The One And Only Napoleon Solo These Boots Were Made For Walking Jimmy Choo Help Yourself Have you visited a Harvester before? Make Me An Island The Wren Kitchens Choral Ensemble I Want To Know What Love Is Serena Williams Penny Lane Cheap Trick I…
From ten years ago, and inspired – for want of a better word – by a prompt included in WordPress’ Writing 101 course that invited us to ‘reinvent the letter format’. This is as close as it’s going to get. An Open Letter To My Passport Photo Dear self, Well, I wouldn’t go so far as…
I don’t belieeeeve it… What is an heirloom? That thing you spin heirs on. What is the ‘Big Dipper’? A larger-than-life pickpocket. What is a titfer? Not just for Christmas, hopefully. What is a mud flap? The state of panic when your car gets stuck in a ditch. What is a barrel roll? An egregiously…
Scary… Why does garlic repel vampires? Why wouldn’t it? What do you need to kill a werewolf? An overactive imagination. What is the purpose of a Jack-o-lantern? It was a prop used in the making of the ‘Thriller’ video. What exactly is a ghoul? The benighted offspring of a ghost and another lost soul. Why…
the only deadhead in the hameau 