“Ask a simple question and you’ll get a simple answer” I was always told when I was a child. Sound advice too, I’ve always thought. The posing of a question is one of the most frequently used of all poetic devices and is particularly popular in modern songwriting. The problem is that even if the initial…
According to the infallible oracle that we call ‘the internet’, you are statistically most likely to have a tattoo if you are (a) female and (b) in the 30-39 age group. Being a male and – in my head at any rate – only in my early twenties (although my birth certificate implacably adds about forty years to…
I is useless. ‘Tell us something we don’t know’, you chorus. The archives of this blog are awash with examples of my general ineptitude when it comes to anything practical, chronicling my various struggles with duvet covers, flat-pack furniture and many of the other benefits of modern civilisation. However, this week I may have hit…
You know what they say: ‘a happy customer might tell a friend, but an unhappy one will tell the world.’ Well, guess what? I don’t pretend that this blog has global reach, but I can’t resist the opportunity afforded by this latest of ‘365 Days of Writing Prompts’: “Are you being served? What’s the most…
Well, here we are at the end of August and self-doubt may be starting to creep into WordPress’ ‘365 Days of Writing Prompts’: “Are writing prompts a useful exercise, or do you find them to be too limiting and/or hokey?” Yes, I do find writing prompts useful as a supplement to my own sparse powers of imagination. However, I…
From this day in 2014, a meditation on boredom… Shoot Me Now This one’s just too good to miss…(cracks knuckles; hunches over keyboard; ticks tags for ‘rants’ and ‘grumpy old man’). “(YAWN): What bores you?” Firstly, let’s be clear about what we actually mean by ‘boredom’. My first stab at finding a dictionary definition came…
“Flip flop. Think of a topic or issue about which you’ve switched your opinion. Why the change? Nobody likes to admit they’re wrong and frankly it’s a little embarrassing to tell everyone (ha!) about how I couldn’t see the point of an iPad at all when they first came out. If you tried to take…
“I’m as mad as hell and I’m not going to take this anymore.” The filling protocol of petrol stations in Belgium defies both belief and logic. For the benefit of my North American reader, I should just explain that over here a petrol station is what you would call a gas station. Why you would…
You may have seen that the State opening of Parliament took place last week. This is when Her Majesty blocks the traffic in central London to go to the House of Lords and deliver ‘the Queen’s Speech’. This homily – not written by the Queen herself, of course, – essentially sets out what the government plans…
“Tell us your story: Tell us about a journey – whether a physical trip you took, or an emotional one.” Oh, WordPress. You and your ‘365 Days of Writing Prompts’. You see, you had me up to ‘or’, but now you’re just going to get a rant. You have been warned. But first, a small confession.…
the only deadhead in the hameau 