Homophones, homographs or homonyms? Or none of the above? What is a palava? More trouble than its worth. What is a pavlova? Food sacred to antipodeans. What is meant by purge? Something that gives everyone a good feeling – except the purgee. What is meant by purse? According to Iago, stolen trash. What is a…
Pull the other one…. What does Hg represent on the Periodic Table? Heavy Goods. Which actress said ‘Fasten your seat belts, it’s going to be a bumpy night’? Jessica Tandy; she didn’t trust Morgan Freeman’s driving. What is the coloured part of your eye called? Iris Murdoch. What is the currency of Laos? Not worth…
Vraiment?… What is a running stitch? That pain in your side when you foolishly embark on a Couch To 5K. What is the collywobbles? A deservedly obscure Irish folk group. What is a tea caddy? A box of bags. What is a stick of words? An unfortunate stammer. What is a flash drive? A golf…
Oh aye?… Imbroglio How an Italian monk introduces himself. Ish A headless marine creature. Insouciant Oh, who cares? Inanition Residency of a country with a large population of Pediculus humanus capitis. Infamy They’ve all got it… Impugn Recognition that one is not the most handsome of individuals. Impecunious Boasting about one’s personal finances. Inveigle To…
The wrong voices: who ‘really’ sang these songs… I Am The One And Only Napoleon Solo These Boots Were Made For Walking Jimmy Choo Help Yourself Have you visited a Harvester before? Make Me An Island The Wren Kitchens Choral Ensemble I Want To Know What Love Is Serena Williams Penny Lane Cheap Trick I…
From ten years ago, and inspired – for want of a better word – by a prompt included in WordPress’ Writing 101 course that invited us to ‘reinvent the letter format’. This is as close as it’s going to get. An Open Letter To My Passport Photo Dear self, Well, I wouldn’t go so far as…
I don’t belieeeeve it… What is an heirloom? That thing you spin heirs on. What is the ‘Big Dipper’? A larger-than-life pickpocket. What is a titfer? Not just for Christmas, hopefully. What is a mud flap? The state of panic when your car gets stuck in a ditch. What is a barrel roll? An egregiously…
Scary… Why does garlic repel vampires? Why wouldn’t it? What do you need to kill a werewolf? An overactive imagination. What is the purpose of a Jack-o-lantern? It was a prop used in the making of the ‘Thriller’ video. What exactly is a ghoul? The benighted offspring of a ghost and another lost soul. Why…
R you having me on? Ripsnorter Epitaph for a cocaine addict Rinky-dink A very small space set aside for ice skating. Rapscallion When an American hits somebody with a spring onion. Recalcitrant The outrage expressed by a school student when told to redo their maths homework. Rickrack What would have happened to Richard III if…
From 2014, a hopefully humorous but ultimately futile attempt to attract a bit of interest. Buy This Blog Confidential: Draft script for infomercial. Do NOT show to client under any circumstances* Fade up studio lights to presenter seated in high-backed leather armchair. [I’m thinking I M Jolly here, people. No chance of getting James Earl Jones,…
the only deadhead in the hameau 