From ten years ago, and inspired – for want of a better word – by a prompt included in WordPress’ Writing 101 course that invited us to ‘reinvent the letter format’. This is as close as it’s going to get. An Open Letter To My Passport Photo Dear self, Well, I wouldn’t go so far as…
I don’t belieeeeve it… What is an heirloom? That thing you spin heirs on. What is the ‘Big Dipper’? A larger-than-life pickpocket. What is a titfer? Not just for Christmas, hopefully. What is a mud flap? The state of panic when your car gets stuck in a ditch. What is a barrel roll? An egregiously…
Scary… Why does garlic repel vampires? Why wouldn’t it? What do you need to kill a werewolf? An overactive imagination. What is the purpose of a Jack-o-lantern? It was a prop used in the making of the ‘Thriller’ video. What exactly is a ghoul? The benighted offspring of a ghost and another lost soul. Why…
This is what happened when I rocked up for my first day in a new job in a new country – and a new culture. It happened in September 2002 and I made sure I was well away when I wrote this from a safe distance in October 2013. Brave New World My instructions were…
R you having me on? Ripsnorter Epitaph for a cocaine addict Rinky-dink A very small space set aside for ice skating. Rapscallion When an American hits somebody with a spring onion. Recalcitrant The outrage expressed by a school student when told to redo their maths homework. Rickrack What would have happened to Richard III if…
From 2014, a hopefully humorous but ultimately futile attempt to attract a bit of interest. Buy This Blog Confidential: Draft script for infomercial. Do NOT show to client under any circumstances* Fade up studio lights to presenter seated in high-backed leather armchair. [I’m thinking I M Jolly here, people. No chance of getting James Earl Jones,…
From 2016, a diatribe about the limits of technology. I love a good rant, me… Brainless Stupidity #3: GPS (‘Brainless Stupidity’ is a – very – occasional series of diatribes against state-of-the-art manifestations of bovine idiocy masquerading as aids to modern life. Previous targets have included been the Belgian way of buying fuel and Paypal’s…
Pull the other one… Why is there no ‘three quarters back’ in American Football? Too arithmetically challenging. What is a stickleback? A position in American Football in which the player is allowed to use a feather duster. What is a boogaloo? A place for the sanitary disposal of nasal mucus. What is Victoria’s Secret? Expensive,…
What a load of old rubbish… Baloney Title of a piece of modern art consisting simply of an image of a spherical object. Also a catch-all description of modern art in general. Hogwash Duh: soap for pigs, obviously. Codswallop Powerful alcoholic liqueur much favoured by certain types of fish. Bunkum A bizarre fetish involving cakes.…
From 2015, a post inspired by a short break in the picturesque medieval town of Sarlat, in the Dordogne. Modesty forbids me to suggest that I think this may be one of my better attempts at humour. Although admittedly that’s not saying much… Verily, A New Review On JourneyCounsellor Recently, I was wandering around a…
the only deadhead in the hameau 